On Friday I met a wonderful person, artist, and woman named CK. Our conversation was absolutely astonishing, mind blowing energetic, deep, wild, truthful - just gushing with good vibes. I had complete control of that conversation, each turn of it was great, and enjoyed thoroughly by both parties, until I had to part ways.
First meeting is always the best
Fast forward to today, she is in the store close to me. And of course I go in to say whats up read a magazine, but just to be around her. How couldn't I. But here's the catch snippy! Shit, was not as it seemed within me. It was just hard to hold a conversation, because she was closing up shop, and there were alot of distractions, but I really really wanted our conversation to blossom (after the fact). Actually I didn't know what was going to happen, but I knew that there was a connection and something needed to happen. It did/it didn't i got to talk to her friend, which was really cool, but I only talked to her friend.
Actually I felt at a loss of words with CK, on what to talk about. I clammed up, looked at my feet and at the other person. If her friend wasn't there I am sure it would have been utter doom. But maybe there is a way out of this that can break the ice. and lead to other encounters as deep as the first one we had.
But I don't want to pollute the waters... I do think she is cute, I'm a dude I think every one is cute. I just want neutral friend vibes with a little bit a flirtation room so a mofo can just chill and if its a catch, than hey! that's great. But I just want every one to feel comfortable, especially her. and especially me.
(but it doesn't have to be that way)
Many situations like this I am getting away by the skin of my teeth. I get frustrated with awkwardness, because in my head I know that i shouldn't be putting out bad vibes, but they come across because I'm just mad that I can't be comfortable. I want this to go as smooth as possible.
And all of this factors into the bliss. Because I can meditate all fucking day, but it won't make my social interactions any different, maybe.... I am asking my subconscious to solve this riddle of mine and pass me to nirvana. I think it is, but I just need to work at it. If my social interactions are the stem of alot of this than I need to ease this struggle. How...? TBD
Talked to some one on the metro, that definitely made me happy. I think I step out of my boundaries to be healthy to my brain.
All this and nothingness
-Zeke
